MY STRUGGLE WITH GAINING 40 POUNDS

Written by Sarah Noland
Performance360 Member

A few months ago, I was sat down by my brand new manager who wanted to “get to know me.” She asked me a few questions, like “Where did you grow up? How long have you been with the company?” yada yada yada. And then she ended with this question, “What do you like to do for fun?” Because I am a bit cynical, I originally wanted to say “Not be at work” (obviously re­thought that answer, decided it was no good).

So, I replied with another honest answer, “Go to the gym.”

She stopped. She looked at me. She made me feel really uncomfortable, like I had said something wrong. Then in a voice that was almost an octave higher than Mariah Carey’s, she said “Reeeaaally?!” Apart of me felt a little insulted, as if she were looking at me clearly thinking to herself “Okay, let’s be honest, you don’t workout.”

The other part of me felt a little embarrassed because I didn’t have anything cooler to say. It was that moment that I had realized that I had developed a new addiction: gym. Which was much better than my previous addiction: food.

I moved to San Diego with my boyfriend, Joey, about three years ago. We moved from a relatively small town, Redding, where it consists of meth addicts and Trump supporters­. It was our very first time living out of our parents’ house.

I was at the ripe ol’ age of 19 and just wanted to get away from it all. You know, typical teenage angst. That’s where my relationship with food began and all calorie counting went out the window. Now, I wasn’t sitting on my bed binge eating twinkies. I was simply enjoying the higher caloric meals in life (PASTA).

The truth is, I got really depressed, it was the first time I had been away from my family, I had ZERO friends, and really had no clue what I was doing with my life (who am I kidding, I still don’t even know what I’m doing).

I looked to food to console me. A burger here, a cookie there. Whenever I was sad, I would eat. I made the mistake of not owning a scale [oops], and two years later I got on one only to realize I had gained about 40lbs.

That’s right. FORTY FUCKING POUNDS!

It was the most I had ever weighed and I literally wanted to jump out my window and die. After that, I avoided the mirror, I avoided the scale, and I sure as hell avoided the camera. But that’s all I was doing…Avoiding.

I needed to kick myself in the ass and do something about it. The weight was seriously ruining my life. I was upset all the time. I would literally go into a fitting room and leave crying so I finally joined the gym last July, yet I was still finding ways to make excuses for myself.

Sure, I was working out, but I was still eating poorly, which led me to see few results. I needed a wakeup call. So a wake up call is what I got. In January, I went to see my lady doctor and she told me the truth. She told me what a lot of people, including myself, had been dancing around for the past year. She basically sat me down and said, “Sarah, you’re a fat fuck and if you don’t do something about it you’re going to put yourself at risk of having some serious health conditions.”

Obviously she didn’t use those exact words, but she might as well have. It seriously was so hard for me to hear. No one likes being told they’re fat. I was terrified of the fact that I might have to stick a needle in my body for the rest of my life.

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It was after that appointment and a lot of tears that I changed my lifestyle.

Now, my love for the gym obviously didn’t start overnight. Quite the opposite, actually. Like most relationships, it started slow. It required work. A lot of work. So much work that I wanted to just quit most of the time.

Sometimes I loved it, other times I hated it; and there were countless times that I regretfully didn’t give it my all.

But like all successful relationships, I didn’t give up. This is why I train. I went from feeling so embarrassed with myself to feeling kind of like a badass. Going to the gym has improved my drive. I had never been a competitive person. When it came to anything active, I was okay with being last.

I rolled my eyes at the idea of seeing how far I could push myself. Now I yearn to test my limits.

I have changed so much in the last year that it has seriously shocked me. I surprise myself everyday. It’s almost impossible for me to put into words why I love to train, because there are so many reasons. It’s become so important to me. If I don’t make it to the gym one day, I’ll be disappointed. It’s not only a missed opportunity to challenge myself, but it is also a missed opportunity to see people who I genuinely care about. Wonderful, strong­ass people, who motivate me to become better.

Since January, I have lost 23lbs and I could not have done it without being apart of this amazing gym.

P360 has helped me become more,­ both mentally and physically.

Sarah Noland has been a member of Performance360 for one year. 

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